I woke this morning feeling rather tired and lacking all what motivation is to do anything. I gave serious thought to the option of just staying home all day and skipping class at uni. At around lunch time I had heated and eaten one meal, I skipped breakfast as I almost always do. If I had to sum my first half of today up I’d go with two words: extremely boring.
However, boredom affected me as it always does, makes my skin crawl with restlessness tinged with frustration. I went for a shower and decided to give uni a chance. As I walked, I always walk the 2.5km from where I live to campus, something happened to me. Now, nothing happened, but something made me realise a few things.
It is a windy day today, I took the route through forest that goes alongside the fields and the meadow. Perhaps it was a combination of feeling and hearing the wind that made me think of Norway. When I closed my eyes I could actually see myself standing atop a mountain gazing down into a distant valley. Actual memories. I have no word for the feeling things like this fill me with, in none of the languages I speak.
The way I see it we are part of two worlds. First, the world around us, nature, the environment untouched by human hands, and secondly, the world we have built, constructed, changed to suit our needs and preferences. The aforementioned Feeling rarely comes to me when I’m in the second but it does, however, almost always come when I’m in the first.
So what is this Feeling? Like I said, I know no word for it. It is existence outside any awareness of time, the passing of time becomes a vague idea, the only reminders of it are sunset and sunrise. Smiling comes easily, it feels natural. The lack of motivation and restlessness I had felt this morning drained away in seconds. Two words that I guess come close are presence and timelessness, the presence of an environment that has a soul of its own.
I have never really had a need for a god or gods, nature, the soul that is a part of everything and everyone is the only thing worthy of reverence.