My thoughts roam like the wind descending from the north tonight. I shiver, a sensation I’m not well acquainted with. My thoughts touch memories of friends and family no longer in this life, I recall shared smiles and even laughter. Their presence feels to me like a campfire in the dark of night, dancing flames showering me with warmth, defying the crisp air reluctant to let go of the winter and let spring be reborn. I doubt that I will ever be able to think back without shivering the way I do now, with sadness. There is beauty in sadness, in tears, just as there is beauty in the warmest of smiles and the embrace of happiness.
Yes, it is with sadness I reminisce but not only sadness. Where there is melancholy undertones, a current running deep, there is also a vast body of water moved by it and it is into these waters that I dive with my thoughts. It is in these waters that every bright moment, every loving memory roll like the waves in an ocean of life. I ask myself whether it would be an ocean, vast, all-encompassing and filled with life, if it was not for the salt of tears and strong currents that keep the depths from growing stagnant. I’m not so sure.
Tears flow when we bid someone farewell. They flow like rivers in spring, water like ice. That pain is a testimony to the love we harbour for those whose time has passed. If love could at all be measured, it would be by the void it leaves behind when it is gone. I found some solace in that, thinking that the pain I felt as my heart writhed in sorrow was proof, evidence that they had mattered, of having made a difference. It was in sorrow that I saw that their lives had had meaning, even if they did not see it themselves, for they meant something to me – a whole lot.
My thoughts are with you tonight, I know that you know who you are without my saying it for the world to hear. I will not tell you to save your tears and wait for brighter days, like people tend to say. Instead I’ll tell you a secret. Don’t be afraid, let your heart beat in rhythms of sadness for as long as it needs to. Happiness will not leave your side, it will not abandon you though it might feel that way. When the time is right and your heart has recovered, your beautiful smile will find its way back to you – but until then, don’t be afraid of tears.
As for you, my absent friends – loved ones – you’re always in my heart. I believe we’ll see each other again some day, if not in this lifetime then in another life.