There are nights when I can’t sleep, nights when thoughts crawl through my head like ants through an anthill. Tonight is not one of those nights. No, tonight is one of those rare moments when I wake up suddenly for reasons unknown to me. The part that strikes me the most is the silence.
Everything is perfectly still, calm, serene even, except for the occasional interruption in the form of a car driving along the road a block down. But what really makes me unable to fall back asleep is the quiet inside of my own head. It is not unpleasant, yet it fills me with a need to put all of it into words.
What it is exactly that I want to express I don’t quite know, I’m afraid I don’t understand it myself. Perhaps that is the reason I feel this sense of urgency? I suspect most people who have a creative streak have moments of similar confoundedness. But to me there is a beauty in being confounded, puzzled, or even enthralled. I find that it often leads down paths a mind at ease would not willingly tread.
I have always enjoyed the dark, even though there have been times when I feared whatever monsters might lurk within it. I realised something tonight, the real reason the dark speaks to me. I am in love with the silence. The stillness is soothing, it takes my mind off of painful things both physical and emotional.
The most beautiful thing about the combination of the silence and the dark, probably because of the late hour, is that it provides a sanctuary in which I can reflect upon things without fear of external interruption or influence.
My thoughts are no ants tonight, yet I feel a need to make them dance. I need them to become words. The beauty of this state of mind, is the absence of nightmares – but why people call them that I don’t understand. Me they never haunt at night. It’s always when the first morning light breaks the silence that they start to howl.